Being an Unemployed Graduate I have obviously been joining lots of job search websites. Upon joining I initially set all of the search requirements to only show results for jobs offering a salary of 50K or above, though a few days in I reigned in my optimism and began searching for roles with ‘Assistant’ in the title. Some of the job sites persistently encouraged me to fill out my profile as much as possible so that potential employers could find me more easily, and a few even suggested a profile photo increased the chance of being viewed by as much as 40%. And so my search for an appropriate profile photo began.
I clicked through my most recent tagged Facebook photos searching for something which portrayed me as professional and approachable, something that would make me stand out. What certainly stood out the most to me were –
1. My cleavage was on display in practically every photo
2. My ‘sultry’ half-pout selfie face made me look slightly thick
3. Me posing with a bottle of vodka/holding a glass of wine/slumped drunk on the floor spooning my dog were not acceptable photos to show to a potential employer…unless they happened to be an alcoholic seeking a colleague with whom they could slip into the toilets with at lunchtime to share a bottle of whiskey.
I deliberated a cleavage photo, wondering whether my future boss would be a rich CEO with a penchant for busty blondes who would employ me based purely on the fantasy that I may wander round the office with my top 4 shirt buttons undone. Then I decided that I would at least rather wait until an interview before deciding whether my breasts would be necessary as leverage. I settled on cropping a photo that was taken before I went to a wedding. I’m wearing an extremely short red dress and posing cockily with my hand on my hip as if I think I’m a celebrity, so the tactical cropping ensures that any future employees see only my genuine smile. I also hope that they will mistake the 3-glasses-of-champagne sparkle in my eye for gleaming enthusiasm.
I don’t really think it matters what photo I chose anyway. It’s been 2 months since I uploaded it to the job site and I still haven’t had any hope of employment. Have decided to leave it 2 more weeks before giving in and just changing it to a shot of me on holiday in my bikini. Perhaps then a pervy CEO will come along and pay me to staple things or something.
Best of luck fellow unemployed graduates,