Happy International Women’s Day everybody! To celebrate, I have made a list of 10 reasons why I’m happy to be a woman…
1. We don’t have a penis – This is quite an obvious one. I can’t even begin to imagine the inconvenience of having a little sausage-like limb dangling between the legs. No wonder men are constantly thinking of it – How could you not be permanently aware of it when it’s swinging about/getting crushed in tight jeans/inflating every now and then? And the balls. Don’t even get me started on the balls.
2. Women’s clothes – I love the variety of clothes on offer which are made with our womanly shapes in mind. Pretty floral summer dresses, slinky midi skirts, flowing maxi dresses. I think even if I’d been born a man I’d still be far too tempted by the Spring/Summer Topshop collection to even consider sticking to a plain shorts and T-shirt ensemble. My respect goes out to the transvestites of the world who just can’t resist rocking those lacy mini dresses…(Whether there is a previously mentioned penis precariously tucked away under there or not.)
3. Mood Swings – It’s barely ever questioned when we transform from chirpy little rays of sunshine into tornadoes set to destruct everything in our path. We snap and sulk and seethe and people usually just throw chocolate our way and put it down to hormones.
4. Animal voices – We can speak to animals in the most ridiculously over-the-top and soppy tones without anybody batting an eyelid. We can greet a strangers dog in the street with pet names as if they’re a combination between a long lost lover and the cutest baby to ever be born and they’ll simply smile at our enthusiasm for the cuteness of their pooch. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when men are nice to animals, but I think I’d be a bit creeped out if they used the same intensely romantic sweet-talk when addressing a cat as I do on a daily basis.
5. The Excitement of Shopping – Do you want to know why it’s so much easier to buy gifts for women than men? Because there is so much more out there for us. Boutiques and make up counters aimed at women can light the flame of desire in a woman’s eye within seconds – We can fall in love a hundred times in one day. With MAC lipsticks, with nectar-sweet smelling hair treatments, with glistening gold statement necklaces….I could go on.
6. The Weaker Sex? – Assuming we’ve all encountered at least one gentleman in our life, we will (hopefully) all have experienced the pleasure of shimmying through a door that’s been opened for us or settling onto a seat a kind stranger has given up to allow us a rest on public transport. If being considered ‘the weaker sex’ means that people are extra thoughtful towards me just because I am female, then I think we need a new definition of ‘weak’…
7. Gossip – There is something very enchanting about a good gossip session between a group of females. We can be painfully honest about feelings and more often than not feel inclined to share very intimate details with our friends. If a problem shared is a problem halved then I’ve probably diced my problems up into tiny little cubes and scattered them between the eager ears of my friends until I can barely even consider them problems anymore. Nothing compares to that surge of excitement I feel when a call from my best friend begins with “Oh my God…I have something to tell you.” It’s usually something along the lines of the neighbor seeing her naked (yet again. I’m starting to believe she lets this happen on purpose), but I still love the thrill of finding out something juicy.
8. We are Cute – We can get away with things that should be socially embarrassing or awkward by passing it off as ‘cute.’ We are simply designed to giggle things off and play on our feminine charms until nobody can even recall that we tripped down a curb/accidentally burped in public/vomited on a stranger on a night out. Whether we are acting classy or not, we can usually (well, sometimes) getting away with appearing so.
9. Comfort Rules – We get to have all the comfortable positions when sharing a bed with a man. Like a cat treading on a blanket we can mold them into shape until our heads are perfectly comfortable resting on their chests. When sleeping we are allowed to claim the majority of the bed and are well within our rights to grumble if he dares stray even an inch over our 80% share.
10. It’s Raining Men – Whether modern cultural progressions state that things are changing or not, it is an evolutionary tradition that it’s down to men to do the chasing. It goes way back to the caveman times when the men would go hunt mammoths to impress the females and win a mate. There will still always be that age-old notion that it should be the man who asks the woman to dance, that the man should ask the female out and that the man should ask for her hand in marriage. While I’m all for women going out to get what they want in life, I personally will always enjoy the ‘traditional’ chase. It’s ingrained in female nature to want to be impressed by the powerful man who has chosen to pursue her as his interest. Whether it’s considered primitive or not, that’s fine by me.
Here’s to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.