Wondering

Make Your Own Happiness

Our happiness can be drastically affected by those around us. It fluctuates depending on how they treat us, their reactions towards us and our perceptions on how they view us. Often we can make a handful of people responsible for our happiness, sometimes even just one – All the while we are surrounded by these people we feel complete, satisfied. This needs to stop. To hand the keys of your happiness over to another person is to lose control of the ability to decide, within yourself, to be happy.

When you depend upon the actions of one person to make you happy you are pretty much always going to be disappointed at some point or another. You thrive upon their attention, acceptance, their acknowledgment, as if it were oxygen. The minute that ebbs or stops altogether it is like your source of air has been removed. You struggle to breathe, panicking and usually desperately trying to coax one last gulp of whatever it was they were giving you to keep you thriving. When you place all of your happiness upon the shoulders of one person, you struggle to bear the weight of it yourself when they become unable to fulfill your needs.

And why should they? Why should one person bear such a significant burden which means every move they make may affect another persons well being? The problem is it’s very difficult to not rely on those who can make you smile if and when they choose. A single word or action on their behalf and your mood is lifted for days, spurring you on in a high which inevitably requires more of the same in order to keep it going. When this stops, so does the happiness. This is how neediness is born. So thrilled were you to find such a source of joy that you become utterly dependent on it, craving the simplicity of allowing your entire mood to ride on it. I’ve experienced this far too much recently and it’s something I’m determined to change.

When you make your own happiness you, and only you, are responsible for making that day a good one. Rather than endlessly await that trigger which, before, only those around you could pull, you are in charge of it. Now it is your actions, decisions and words which can tip the scale of each day. It’s a scary power to hold, when you think of it, especially if you’ve only just claimed it back from another after far too long. You won’t always get it right and like a child you’ll long for that  cocoon of comfort and security which you believed only another person could give you. But in the long run it’s far, far safer. Other people will still make you happy, give you pleasure, brighten your day – But ultimately these will be welcome little gifts added to what you’ve already created for yourself, rather than necessities pined for and never given.

It’s far too dangerous to rely on others for your happiness. Like I said before, it becomes your oxygen. They won’t always give it freely and they won’t always notice when you’re gasping, even suffocating, without it. Make your own oxygen and breathe it as much as you can possibly bear.

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